Tag Archives: Pain

When Tiny Feet Leave A Big Imprint…

On the 3rd of January after a few weeks of feeling sick and sleepy I found out I was pregnant, it was a bit of a shock although I was sort of expecting it, I never actually thought it would ever happen to me, for some reason I had convinced myself that I’d probably never get pregnant, I don’t know why but that is how I felt, turned out I was completely wrong.

This then led to one of the single most hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, I had the support of my family and Nick, they all said they would stand by me whatever decision I made…

I never thought I could get so emotionally attached to something I have yet to see, or feel, turns out that maternal instinct kicks in pretty quick, at least for me anyway, I didn’t realise just how much I was emotionally attached to this little thing growing inside me, til now, its been 7 days since I made the choice to terminate it, 7 of the most emotional days of my life since I was 16, I’ve not felt this upset about the loss of something since my Nan died, it took me years to properly get over that and now I’ve chose to put myself through this, but what gives me the right to create life and then end it?

I’m trying to keep it together, carry on like normal but its a struggle, I pray that by some miracle the surgeon missed it, that it survived, because all I want right now is to go back a week, change my decision and give this little one a chance, part of me has gone, part of me I can never get back and its killing me…

It will always be my first, even though i will never see the little feet that left such a big imprint on my life, i will never forget, hopefully one day I will get another chance at being a Mom and I will cherish it with everything I have, because every life has value.

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