Category Archives: Pregnancy

Introducing The Mummy Diaries!

So The Mummy Diaries is the name that I have decided to use for my posts about pregnancy and beyond, I feel like it is fitting as I will be a mummy very soon! and I wanted to distinguish these posts from my others, so there we have it, The Mummy Diaries is my new series! I was considering starting a whole new blog for this series but I struggle to keep up with this one sometimes so having two that I’m trying to post on would probably be a bit of a nightmare!

Anyway, keep an eye out, i will post an update on my pregnancy every two weeks and then there will be other random posts inbetween!

First up: Baby Haul coming March 1st!

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Finding Out To Now (28 Weeks) πŸ‘ΆπŸ»πŸΌ

So as my second trimester draws to a close I am finally on the home stretch! I am so excited, I have enjoyed being pregnant mostly but I can’t wait to finally meet our little dude! I have been imagining what he might look like and what his personality might be and I am just so ready to finally meet him! 

Right now though I’m going to write down how I’ve felt over these last two trimesters, I should probably have done it sooner when it was all clearer in my mind but hey ho I feel like I can remember it pretty well…

Trimester 1, I missed a fair few weeks of this trimester cause I had no idea I was pregnant! I got a positive test on the 20th of September last year, which really doesn’t seem that far away! That would have made me 7 +1 weeks pregnant, some people are lucky/unlucky (depending on how you look at it) and find out at like 1/2 weeks, I couldn’t handle that I’m too impatient, waiting til 12 weeks would have felt like a millennia! Anyway, the thing that was hardest for me during this trimester was the food aversions and constant nausea, literally everything I ate made me feel sick and when I wasn’t feeling sick I was constantly exhausted and had no appetite, so it wasn’t great but I muddled through on toast and really bland food! I started feeling baby move around 14 weeks which I understand is pretty early so I feel very lucky, it’s amazing how much reassurance it brings 😁 My 12 week scan was great, baby was upside down and full of life, it’s awesome seeing them for the first time, knowing that’s your baby and you’re going to meet them! Creating life is incredible to me, I just go about my life while he grows away inside me! 

Other than this my first trimester was pretty uneventful thankfully, the nausea slowly went away and towards the second trimester I started to feel much better which was a welcome relief!!

Trimester 2, this one has been pretty smooth sailing, in fact so much so I feel quite lucky! Pregnancy has been kind to me… so far! Still all of my morning sickness disappeared at the start of this trimester which was wonderful! All of my midwife appointments have gone great, baby is doing wonderfully, I’ve felt him lots more during this trimester, he likes to sit really low and kick my cervix 😝 which can be pretty painful sometimes! We did have a bit of a scare though towards the end of Jan, I spent my birthday in hospital due to stomach pains, had to get 2 steroid shots in my bum as they were worried I may be going into early labour, I didn’t fortunately, I was 25 weeks when that happened I think I handled it quite well, though I wasn’t keen on staying in hospital but it was for the best. I had my whooping cough injection last week, I hate injections, but it was alright, the worst thing was it made my arm feel bruised for about 3 days after! But I think that was the last of my injections for this pregnancy… maybe! The best thing by far about this trimester though was feeling him move all the time, I love it, both in the reassuring sense and because it’s a constant reminder that I’m going to be a mommy!

And so today I am 28 weeks, officially in the third trimester guys! 12 weeks to go, I am excited and nervous all at the same time, we have so much to do and so much to look forward to! 

Coming up this trimester I have a wonderful blood test! At least one that I am aware of, looking forward to that… not! I also have my baby shower in March which I am super excited for and by then I’ll only have 8 weeks left to go! Exciting times ahead!


A bump pic! Taken at 16 weeks, 19 weeks & 26 weeks!

Birthday Celebrations πŸŽ‰Β 

So it was my birthday last Sunday(29th of Jan) YAY… I turned 27 😱 someone seriously needs to invent a way to stop time! I am not ok with getting older πŸ˜› 

Anyway, I was supposed to be going out for a meal with the family for mine and my Dads birthdays but, instead I ended up spending the weekend in hospital 😒 which was crap but it was for the best, I was admitted with severe stomach pains and sickness on Saturday night, I ended up having two steroid injections as a precaution in case I went into premature labour, those injections help the baby’s lungs mature which means he would have a higher chance of surviving should he be born really early, scary stuff, but by Sunday afternoon I was well enough to be discharged and got to at least spend some of my birthday not in the hospital! 😊

We are making up for it though, this Saturday just gone me and Arran went for a nice meal at Ed’s Diner in Brum and then this Saturday we are meeting up with Mariah and Luke to go play some crazy golf! Looking forward to it 😊

Should have posted this last week but got waylaid with appointments and what not, #pregnancyjoys 😁

Decisions πŸ€”

I have some big decisions to make in the next few weeks, one in particular is going to impact my life quite significantly the other not so much…

I think I’ll start by talking about the smaller of the two decisions, that being I want to post a lot about my pregnancy so far and updates on it in the future and then continue on after baby is here, kinda like a mommy blog, but, I don’t really want to change the overall theme of this blog, I like that I can just come on here a write about whatever I like, so I was thinking about starting a separate mommy blog, but I’m not sure, I don’t want to start it and then neglect this one or vice versa… so maybe I will just stick to writing on this one, start a mommy series maybe, who knows, maybe this blog will eventually evolve into a mommy blog! I guess it’s something I need to think about a bit more, read other people’s mommy blogs, get some ideas, I will say im not going to start a new one until im certain that is what I want to do.

So now onto the decision that is the important one, the one that will change my future…

My parents have offered to let myself and my OH move in with them on a short-term basis, 2 years max probably, with the intention that we save the money we are currently spending on rent and bills etc. and put it away to go towards buying our own house in the future, there are so many positives to taking them up on this offer that I am 100% for it, my OH however is not…
At the minute we live in a one bed flat in a built up area, on a main road where all of the schools are rubbish, my parents live in a reasonably nice area where schools are good, now I know school is a good five years away yet, but still this is something that bothers me. I want our son to go to a nice school in a nice area where he can go out and play with friends and I won’t have to worry about him, this is possible where my parents live, here though not so much. So that being one of the positives, here are the rest, in my eyes:

  • Free childcare
  • Family support
  • Save money
  • Better job prospects for me
  • OH can use some savings to learn to drive
  • Possibility for me to go back to college
  • I won’t be alone for 10 hours a day with a newborn

So yeah those are the positive how I see it, the biggest one for me being not being on my own all the time, here I am completely alone, family are a good 40 minutes away, I have no proper friends where I currently live so my days are spent inside on my own, which can be quite isolating and lonely now let alone when I’m taking care of a new baby and have no idea what im doing, at least if we move home I will have all of my family around me to help out and I won’t be alone all day every day. However, moving home would mean the OH would have to commute to work, which obviously costs money, but nowhere near as much as we are paying out currently, but, he doesn’t want to commute, he says he would rather pay the extra money for us to have our own space, but that could mean we end up struggling and nobody wants to do that if they can help it, he says that he will get a better paid job, but I know he enjoys his job where he works now and I don’t want him to move somewhere else and be unhappy, I’d rather he be happy and us move in with my parents for a while to get ourselves into a better financial position… I just need to find a way to convince him that it is our best option… Any suggestions?

Meet The Sprog!

babyboy

Welcome to the family little dude!

About 14 weeks ago we got the biggest most unexpected surprise, we found out we were having a baby, we were scared and confused and generally just in shock, especially after what we had previously been through, for it to happen again so soon after was terrifying but I knew this time it was for real, there was no way I was going to give him up again!

I am now 22 +4 weeks pregnant and loving it, I think so far I’ve had a pretty easy ride, my bump is still tiny though, I was kind of expecting to be bigger by now but I guess everyone is different! The two pics above are from both of my ultrasounds, the one on the left is from 14 weeks and the one on the right is my most recent pic at 20 weeks, we decided pretty early on that we wanted to find out the gender and from then on the wait was excruciating, I needed to know! but we got there in the end, the 20 week scan was the Monday before Christmas so it was like a lovely little early present to ourselves, we had a bet going between us, I was convinced we were having a boy but OH thought we were having a girl…. I was right! my prize was his next days advent calendar chocolate!

So now we have the enormous task of picking the right name for him! My mom bought us a baby names book, it has literally hundreds of names in, how on earth are we supposed to pick one when there are so many good ones?! How do people narrow it down to one?!
We have also been given a ton of stuff for him… like how can such a tiny person need so much stuff?! my family have been nagging me for a list of things we will need so they can get us things but I don’t even know where to start, apart from the obvious, clothes, nappies, cot and pushchair!

So many things to do and only 18 weeks left to do them in! one of those things is going to be huge, we need to move house, currently we live in a smallish one bedroom flat, up a flight of stairs, not too keen on bringing him back here cause
1. getting him and the pushchair up and down the stairs is going to be a nightmare and
2. there is just not enough room, currently im keeping all of his stuff at my parents house as they fortunately have room to store it!

Cannot wait to meet our little dude and,Β I can say for sure that my 2017 is going to be better than 2016!

 

Abortion… My ExperienceΒ 

I understand this is a controversial subject for some, but for me I believe we all have a choice, a choice that I learnt can only be made by ourselves, a choice I never thought I would have to make and a choice that I want to share with you all. 

I wanted to post this a lot sooner but after the last one I’ve had a bit of an emotionally rough week so decided to stagger them a little, as I mentioned in my post When Tiny Feet Leave A Big Imprint… At the start of January I found out I was pregnant, roughly 9 weeks, this then led to one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

When we found out I think we were both pretty scared, we had no idea what was to come and I don’t think either of us ever really thought we would end up in a situation such as this, we made a doctors appointment, now both of us hate doctors, hospitals and everything to do with that sort of thing, my mom calls it white coat syndrome, seeing as I had absolutely no idea what to expect on my first appointment I decided to search online, we all know this is probably not a good idea because I ended up working myself up and on the day I was terrified, however, at the actual appointment all the doctor did was talk to us and ask us questions about what we were thinking of doing, no needle prodding, no blood tests, no cervical exams, just plain and simple questions, he was very kind and very helpful, and helped us along to the next step of the process, making an appointment at the BPAS Clinic.

After such a stress free trip to the doctors, my next appointment at the BPAS Clinic was less nerve wracking for both of us, it was though quite emotional, when we got there I signed in and they gave me a little booklet to read, it has all the information you could need about all the different types of procedure, and then we waited what felt like forever until they finally called me into a room on my own, as soon as I sat down in there I started crying, the lady who was in with me was lovely though, very kind and understanding, she explained that I was on my own now just so they could make sure I wasn’t being forced into anything by anyone, which of course I wasn’t, after about 15/20 minutes of her asking me questions, mainly about my medical history and such I went back out to Nick, we were then called through to another room where i was given a scan to determine exactly how far I was, I didn’t see the screen though sadly, I was then weighed, measured and had a finger prick blood test to determine my blood type so they would know wether to give me the anti-D injection or not, we then went home so I could think my decision over and make sure it was exactly what I wanted.

It took two weeks of a lot of back and forth for me before I figured the best thing to do would be to end the pregnancy, it was the right thing to do considering our current situation isn’t really suitable for raising a child, and so the logical option was abortion. I booked my appointment for the 6th of Feb, I had the surgical abortion which involves sucking the foetus out of the womb, I spent so much time on the Internet the week before looking for other people who had talked about their experience, I didn’t have much success and so I kind of went in blind, I knew what was going to happen during the procedure but I had no idea how the anaesthetic was going to make me feel or what was going to happen when they were prepping me for the procedure. My mom came with me to my appointment, I wanted both my mom and Nick but sadly you are only allowed one person with you and even then they’re not allowed to come through to recovery to you. When we got to the hospital I checked in and waited about 20 minutes, they then took me into a room where I had to sign a lot of paperwork, this was also my last chance to change my mind, I didn’t, the lady who was with me then gave me two tablets that I had to let dissolve under my tongue, she told me this was to soften my cervix and that they would probably give me belly ache, my God did they give me belly ache, I am fortunate enough that I don’t often suffer from period pains, to me this belly ache was like bad period pains, nothing I couldn’t handle but it wasn’t nice. I then waited about half an hour before they came to fetch me for surgery, I had to change into the nit shirt I had brought with me and they then took me onto the ward, I waited another 15 minutes, this wait was the worst party of all of it, I’m terrified of hospitals so I was incredibly nervous, the adrenaline kicked in and I started to feel like I was going to pass out or throw up, fortunately I didn’t and they then came to fetch me and take me down for surgery, once I got into theatre they injected drugs into my hand, this was probably the best part, the drugs took away all the nerves and I felt like I was floating, they wheeled me through and the last thing I remember was asking the nurse if the oxygen they were giving me would taste of anything, I went into theatre about 10 to 12 and by the next time I looked at the clock it was about 5 to 1, everything after coming round is a bit hazy, I do remember that I woke up crying, which is apparently normal because of the drugs. After it was all over I had to wait to be discharged and then I went home and slept.

Fortunately I think I was one of the lucky ones, the drugs didn’t make me feel sick or groggy, I felt perfectly normal, well as normal as I could feel I guess.

I spent a few days at home in Tamworth before I came back to Stafford, emotionally I was fine for a few days, but it hit me eventually and for the last week or so I’ve felt like crap, there’s nothing I want more than my baby back and I can’t, it is absolutely killing me and I can’t see how I can ever feel normal again, the worst part of this is because I’m at uni I have to carry on as normal, I have to put on a face and pretend like I’m ok, when in all honesty I’m not ok at all. I’ve had a few moments that Nick has helped me get through, he has been great, so supportive and I’m fine when I’m with him, it’s times when I’m on my own that it gets to me the most, some of my uni friends know and they’ve been very supportive to, but nothing can ever change what I did, nothing can bring my baby back, I have to do a test in a weeks time to make sure the abortion was successful, all of me is hoping that it failed and that my baby is still growing away inside me but I know that is highly unlikely, whatever the outcome of the test I think I’m going to be an emotional mess, but I will deal with it as I always do, soldier on and eventually I might come to terms with what has happened and be happy again, and one day I hope I get the chance to be a mom again, if I do I will cherish it because there is absolutely nothing I want more than that right now.

When Tiny Feet Leave A Big Imprint…

On the 3rd of January after a few weeks of feeling sick and sleepy I found out I was pregnant, it was a bit of a shock although I was sort of expecting it, I never actually thought it would ever happen to me, for some reason I had convinced myself that I’d probably never get pregnant, I don’t know why but that is how I felt, turned out I was completely wrong.

This then led to one of the single most hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, I had the support of my family and Nick, they all said they would stand by me whatever decision I made…

I never thought I could get so emotionally attached to something I have yet to see, or feel, turns out that maternal instinct kicks in pretty quick, at least for me anyway, I didn’t realise just how much I was emotionally attached to this little thing growing inside me, til now, its been 7 days since I made the choice to terminate it, 7 of the most emotional days of my life since I was 16, I’ve not felt this upset about the loss of something since my Nan died, it took me years to properly get over that and now I’ve chose to put myself through this, but what gives me the right to create life and then end it?

I’m trying to keep it together, carry on like normal but its a struggle, I pray that by some miracle the surgeon missed it, that it survived, because all I want right now is to go back a week, change my decision and give this little one a chance, part of me has gone, part of me I can never get back and its killing me…

It will always be my first, even though i will never see the little feet that left such a big imprint on my life, i will never forget, hopefully one day I will get another chance at being a Mom and I will cherish it with everything I have, because every life has value.